The Box

Someone said the loveliest thing to me the other day. He said, "How are you?" And he meant it. It wasn't one of those trite moments in passing, not a verbal head nod. He really wanted to hear how my insides were doing with my outsides with no premeditated coercion. It is a selfless question when it is sincere. It says I care about you and I am not thinking about myself. It meant so much to me.

We live in a society that is often overwhelming. Sometimes our own problems are more that we can handle, let alone ingesting someone else's concerns voluntarily without a "me" twist to it. I know. I think it had been years since I had said it myself until recently.

I think sometimes we build boxes around ourselves that have to do lists taped in front of our noses. It is survival. If we can tick off the list, we win till the next list goes up but we made it to the end of the first one and that is all that matters. Sometimes we try to ignore the list for awhile by going further into our box, inundating ourselves with distractions and little highs  but we always know the list is there, waiting for us with bullet points like Get Assignment Finished Or I Have No Future,  Find Self Worth Through Approval of Another, Need New Underwear, Be Skinnier So That You Are A Better Person That People Want To Have Sex With Even Though I Don't Necessarily Want It Myself Because That Would Mean Thinking Of Other People, Write A Better Joke To Make A Life, etc. It doesn't leave much room to look outside of the box to truly give ourselves to another person on a simple basis because even outside of the box we are looking at it worrying about it being there.


How are you? I am thinking of you. Not me. Let me know how it is inside of your box. See if I can help you out in there a little. My heart is here for you if you wish to use it if yours isn't feeling so great. I give a shit about another human being.


I'm trying to do that more. Think about the feelings that are out there of the people I interact with instead of how the person is effecting me. It's hard. I'm not used to it. I have been surviving too long in my box. But, here's the catch with that stupid box, until you can see past the box of anger and fear and resentment and frustration....boxes are never made out of good feelings.... I strongly suspect a person  can't get out of it, can't remember how wonderful "How Are You Doing?" feels to ask effortlessly without the string of "and how do you feel about me?" attached to it. It's a box. That's what they do.