In 1981, the phone rang and a boy asked me out on a real date. The kind with the movies and making out. It was the first time that I ever loved a telephone. Possibly one of the last.
It took me a lot of years to build up to this kind of loathing for the telephone. I used to like the sound of the ring and the noise of a dialing rotary, more often or not followed by the female yell of one of my sisters (or me), "I've GOT it!!!" and then the pounding of feet running on hardwood floors to stop the noise. There was endless hours in the stairwell feeling oh so mature talking about boys and puberty problems. But eventually we grew up and moved on to our own homes. Rotaries replaced by buttons to punch with loud answering machines and slowly being replaced by cellphones as the fight in small places are lost to modern existence, making us technology's bitches.
I grew up in a world where you called people back . It was a time when there were less complications. There wasn't a queue of priorities and the telephone call didn't slip into the cracks of, eh, they'll understand. If someone didn't call back, it was considered horribly rude. But in recent years, we have learned to forgive the occasional drop in etiquette. Life is so overwhelming and detached. Sometimes. In others is just a bad pattern.
A not returned phone call says something about you. It can say, "You aren't as important to me as other things so I forgot you." Or, "I'm afraid to confront you with something so I'm going to stall any form of communication." Or, "I'm in control here." Or, "If I talk to you, you can reject me or make me feel less than I am or give me an answer that I just can't deal with." Or all of the above at once. The more we have evolved into the communication culture, the more I have been burned by the telephone. Casting directors not calling back after great auditions or to only call you if you booked, leaving you in silent limbo otherwise. Friends forgetting to confirm plans. Someone dictating exact acceptable hours that they can be reached on a continuous basis, not considering that others may have lives too. Being put on hold by the telephone company that charges you by the minute. Or by the IRS.
Now we have emails, texts, instant messages, and, if you are truly desperate and archaic, faxes. Choices that we all have preferences for, each applied to individual comfort zones. I will do anything to rely on all of those above the telephone (well, except the fax). I am a control freak that does not like bad news. In fact, my real preference is in person as a human being.
I am learning to accept this. We live in a flaky existence. I don't like it. But how do I change it? By not doing it to other people? I'll try. Guilty as charged sometimes too though. But I'll try. "Who do I owe calls to?" I think. And then I realize that I just want to take a nap and will call them later.
