Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Hello from under here

Nothing is more annoying than listening to the wail of self pity, particularly if its coming from the inside of your own head.  I just got to act in a real movie.  A real one.  With lines and other actors acting back. And yet the whine of indignant ego because I don't get asked to be in a stand up show is drowning it out. I suck at this Buddhist shit.

You go to an audition and they call you afterward, asking you to come in and read again.  The casting director hadn't called you in in two years with the exception of extra work. And even that took some loud squeaky wheeling to get.  You pound the crap out of not one but two different roles.  The casting director calls up and offers you the part.  She tells you how much the director loved you.  She tells you how much she loves you, how she will call you again for sure.  Mission accomplished.  Shooting day roles around.  It's like going off to college.  Real people don't make movies.  You show up at the production office and they call you an actor.  It gives you a little tingle.  It is used so infrequently when applied to you on a movie set.  The hair and make up people fuss over you.  The wardrobe people fuss over you.  There is really expensive equipment surrounding you.  The director blocks your dialogue.  You discuss approach and solidify the marks with the director, the other actors...one being well known enough to make you want to touch his face to see if he is real...the camera man, the A.D.  Your head is in business and tweaking and hitting exactly how you want to play this while keeping it within the confines of what the camera is encapsulating. It isn't real.  It's work and you know that you are good at it, you know what you are doing.  It's comfortable.  It's the best work in the whole world.  The crew sets up and lines up the shot, turning it around on each actor, making sure all of the angles that are needed to glue a scene are there without losing continuity.  When you aren't in the shot, you are watching the monitor and you marvel out how cool it looks.  High def is terrifying because it is so honest but beautiful to see.  Clear and soft at the same time. In between set ups, the actors talk about business.  Trade stories.  You hang out with the lead who is just visiting the set for the day, trade more stories.  You both did the same fringe festival.  You both studied improv but different approaches.   Actors talking about dialect.  Actors talking about unions and release limitations.  Actors talking about technique and memories.  The best place in the world wraps up.  You wipe off your make up.  Touch your weird hard hair.  Take off the clothes of the person who was borrowing your body.  They clap you off because that is tradition when you wrap out a principal on their last day on the set, shake hands with everyone, discuss the release, tell the famous actor it was an honor to work with him, get in your shit heap car. 

And then you get upset that no one is asking you to be in their shows.  While you are being an actor, stand up comedy is passing by.  And  its time to start over yet again. Sigh.  Don't bitch.  Because for a day, thousands of people were out there struggling, wishing that they could be you just once.

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